Sam Mellinger

The Kansas City Star

Thirty-four years of life, and every morning I’ve woken up with clear vision. Well, maybe that’s not entirely right. A few times in college, it took a minute before things cleared up, but you know what I mean.

Clear eyes and a full heart can’t lose, or something like that, and though I’ve pushed boundaries of that theory a few times — that stage in my 20s where I wore a visor was definitely a loss — I’ve always kind of liked that I had perfect vision.

Well, I’m hear to tell you that the end of an era is nigh. Your boy’s getting old, and I’ve self-diagnosed myself with bad vision. Actually, the nice lady at the DMV diagnosed me. I moved a few months ago, Missouri to Kansas, so when I was getting my new license I took the vision test and basically performed like Chris Culliver at Super Bowl week. The woman helping me basically became my cheat sheet, bless her heart, and sort of scooted me through the cracks but the truth hurts. I need glasses.

I go in Thursday. My best friend is also my eye doctor, and I fully expect him to fit me for a pair and also a cane.

Anyway, since I spent most of the last week with the typhoid and couldn’t eat much besides oatmeal, there is no eating recommendation and I’ll make up for it with two reading recommendations: the first is serious and amazing, the story of a Russian family that lived in Siberian isolation for 40 years, unaware of World War II. The second is hilarious and amazing, the brilliant Chris Gethard’s (memoir?) called A Bad Idea I’m About To Do.

Let’s get to it. As always, thanks for your help.

@THE_natedogg Your “sickness” came during the biggest party week of the year in the biggest party city .. anything you want to come clean on?

I’ve created many sicknesses for myself, and I hope you guys know I’m honest enough here to tell you if I caught something on Bourbon Street. Actually, it would’ve been easier to deal with if it was just a hangover. Those go away. And at least I’d have earned it.

No joke: last Tuesday was the sickest I’ve ever been as an adult. It was Thursday before I was able to get down as much as a can of soup. I was so sick, I started running through my head every little thing I’ve ever gotten away with — speeding ticket, missed appointments, lucky breaks in life and especially wife — and wondered if this was payback.

I’ve now been sick twice in the last four or five years. Once in New Orleans for the Super Bowl. The other for my wedding.

My immune system hates me.

@theGeneric1 This wasn’t THAT great of a game was it? Ppl forget about the Pitt/Ari and the helmet catch games that quickly?

I don’t know, man. I thought it was a pretty great game. I’m not saying it’s the best Super Bowl ever, or even the best in the last 10 years or five years or whatever. I’m not ranking them here, but that was definitely one of the best Super Bowls of my lifetime.

I think what’s easy to miss right now is that it was compelling the entire way. The Patriots-Giants game, for instance, may’ve been the best finish. That Tyree play might be the greatest single play of a modern Super Bowl. But up until the end, other than the 18-0 Patriots losing, I remember that game as kind of a dud.

This one was terrific throughout. Close plays, big plays, the fake field goal, Kaepernick, Baltimore’s receivers going SAM^ on the Ravens, the blackout, the comeback, it really was spectacular.

^ That’s Strong As Mother. I stole it from Babb. Yeah, I know.

I enjoyed watching that game as much as any Super Bowl I can remember, is what I’m saying.

@RoyalsFreeOut Pass Interference or not? #TwitterTuesday

No. And if you know a 49ers fan, tell him (or her) to quit whining about it.

@JayDubIII What are your thoughts on the Go Daddy Bar Refaeli and geek ad ?

Well, let’s watch:

I hate it. I want Go Daddy gone.

My favorite two commercials were Dikembe Mutombo. Honestly, I can’t watch this one enough:

…and the Dodge farmer one, even as I understand many of you didn’t like this one as much:

@BobbyCave Where do you sit on the Leon Sandcastle debate? Great commercial or another punch in the face to KC?

Well, again, let’s watch:

Eh. It was fine. I don’t see how it’s a punch to the face of Kansas City. Just thought it was Deion Sanders doing his thing in an ad that’s good, not great.

@Speck60 Football is over. What do we do now? #TwitterTuesday

Get a load of this one, you guys. This guy thinks football is over.

@K1llwithme how different do the chiefs look now if they take Ryan clady #5 and Joe flacco #15 in ‘08?

Well, sure. They’d be a lot different. A lot better. Scott Pioli might even still have his job. But let’s also understand: you could play this game with, literally, any team in the NFL. Watch, I’ll give you a great example from what — still — might be the best roster in football.

The 49ers’ secondary isn’t very good. You saw what happened with Chris Culliver the other night, and that was extreme, but that unit’s been the weak link of an otherwise outstanding defense. San Francisco made receiver A.J. Jenkins its first-round pick last year. Jenkins got one pass thrown his way in 2012, the entire season, and it wasn’t until week 17. And he dropped it. Cornerback Janoris Jenkins went nine picks after Jenkins, and was one of the better defensive backs in the league. He led everyone with three interceptions returned for touchdowns. San Francisco certainly would’ve been a better team this year with the other Jenkins.

Of course, San Francisco picked up Aldon Smith and Colin Kaepernick with its first two picks the year before, so, you know, not bad.

@patronaut0709 #TwitterTuesday Likelihood of the #Chiefs getting Alex Smith?

I think there’s a pretty decent chance. Enough to write about it the other day, anyway. I don’t know that I’d bet on it or anything, but the 49ers will move him and it makes a ton of sense for the Chiefs (other teams too).

It really is an interesting philosophical thing they’ve got, because Smith is the safe route. He’s a known-ish quantity, would come at a fixed cost, and the move would almost certainly be done before the draft so the Chiefs could sort of check off the quarterback box going in.

Then again, it would be interesting to see the reaction from Chiefs fans over getting ANOTHER quarterback who wasn’t good enough somewhere else. Finding the right quarterback is important enough that if the Chiefs don’t do it, it doesn’t matter what else they do.

Alex Smith, for all his attributes, sure seems like a guy just good enough to lose a playoff game for the Chiefs.

@_MathewB Alex Smith? You mean Matt Cassel? No thank you. Geno Smith? OK, but I don’t have to be excited about it.

See what I mean, guys?

@MrT_Ott #TT how important are High School/Recruiting class rankings in regards to how well the team will be?

So glad you asked. Tomorrow is signing day, in case you didn’t hear, which means a new batch of expectations for the schools at the top of the team rankings^ and for the players at the top of the individual rankings.

^ Alabama, Florida, and Ohio State in that order.

We tend to pay attention to recruiting rankings mostly as a symbol for what should be, and to point out when teams/coaches/players have exceeded our expectations — why, hello there, Bill Snyder — and when teams/coaches/players have been giant disappointments to us all.

The other thing you hear often about recruiting rankings is that they don’t matter. I’m one of the people who says that, and it’s usually in a way where I’m not providing enough context to be completely fair. I apologize about that. What I mean is that recruiting rankings don’t matter as much as a lot of people want them to. They don’t automatically mean Oklahoma’s receiver is better than K-State’s cornerback, or vice versa. They are a fairly good indicator of how heavily recruited a player is, and how highly a groupthink of college coaches regard a player.

They don’t take into account how well he’ll fit into a system, whether he’ll hit a growth spurt, if he’ll keep his speed while putting on weight, how he’ll adjust to college life, whether he’ll get his girlfriend pregnant and freak out before a big game, a million factors that can take players in all sorts of different paths. Colin Kaepernick was barely ranked coming out of high school, so low that Kentucky signed two quarterbacks more highly regarded. Johnny Manziel was now somewhat famously ranked as the No. 14 dual-threat quarterback recruit two years ago.

But recruiting rankings are certainly not without merit. The guys at Rivals, in particular, put in tons of work and conversation and research into putting these things together. Theirs are the industry standard for a reason, and if you’re looking for predictive powers, this article here does a good job explaining why Rivals recruiting rankings are as good or better as the AP preseason poll.

Of course, that’s also a pretty low standard so the lesson, as always: none of us know as much as we’d like, so lets try to enjoy the games, huh?

@SethSanchez what’s your take on Free State Beer?

Eh. I like it, but not as much as I’d like to like it, if that makes sense. I went to high school and college in Lawrence, and Free State is one of my favorite places to go when I’m there. But it’s as much for the food and sentimental reasons as the beer.

My biggest issue with the beer is that Boulevard exists and is just way better. The countdown to Saison-Brett coming out is on, you guys.

@tgroce11 9 years ago, tonight, in a Harvard dorm, Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook. What are you doing with your life?

Well, at the moment, I’m in my pajamas, writing a blog about beer. Advantage Zuckerberg, but it’s not a blowout.

@nsatterl even though he won the superbowl, can you wrap your head around paying a guy big who just set his career high in yardage at 3817?

Look. I still don’t think I’d call Joe Flacco elite. He’s never thrown more than 25 touchdowns, never fewer than 10 interceptions, and it sure looks like a lot of his biggest plays are either thanks to Rahim Moore coming down with sudden intoxication or one of his receivers just going full-out badass and making a play.

But he still went 11 touchdowns and no interceptions during an absolutely incredible postseason run, beating Andrew Luck, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Colin Kaepernick. I’d still take Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees and Peyton Manning over him. Probably Kaepernick, Luck and RG3, too. And that’s just for starters. But the guy also just won a Super Bowl, and he’s WAYWAYWAYWAYWAY better than anyone else you’re going to get. So just pay the man already.

@xXDanteHicksXx Why is everyone in this town obsessed w/ taking SF’s seconds at QB? (DeBerg, Montana, Bono, Grbac, maybe Smith) #TwitterTuesday

One of those guys was the last one to win a playoff game here, which is just sad. Like I say, it really is a fascinating philosophical deal. Because Alex Smith probably is the best option for 2013, but if you’re trying to win the Super Bowl — if you will truly consider anything less than that a failure — then he’s probably a stop-gap at best.

@GJAlexander what gives you the right?

I once won an intramural championship on a runner at the buzzer. Ever since then, man, can’t tell me nuthin.

@bvswbaseball will football exist in 40 years?

Yes. And anybody who says different is a drama queen Chicken Little. The NFL may or may not be the sports entertainment goliath we see at the moment, but football isn’t going away. You know what football has going for it? It’s violent, looks awesome on TV, and is great to gamble on. That’s a pretty sweet thing if you’re trying to sell stuff in America.

The Malcolm Gladwell piece is holding up nicely over time, and football may very well be played by an underclass in the next generation. But the connection people want to make with boxing is oversimplified, and ignores far too many important factors to be taken at face value.

Football’s problems — barring a cure or reversal for CTE — are real, and a problem for the sport’s future. We may see basketball continue to rise, or soccer. Maybe baseball makes a comeback. But football’s not going away. If America quit everything that wasn’t healthy, McDonald’s wouldn’t be pushing $30 billion of annual revenue.

@The_Logg what would it take for me to replace you at the Star? The job doesn’t seem to require any discernible talent. #TT

You think it’s easy to sit here in my favorite chair, still in the sweats I slept in, drink coffee and make jokes that are sometimes funny?

Look, “Logg,” I don’t know who you are or what you do, but please: don’t answer that question.

@GabrielRiekhof Pepsi or coke?

Coke, and it’s not close. Although now I usually turn to Dr Pepper 10 for my soda needs.

@nsatterl OHMYGODJOEFLACCOISTOTALLYAFREEAGENTANDTHECHIEFSHAVETOSIGNHIMRIGHTNOWBECAUSEHEWONTHESUPERBOWL!!!

I appreciate the sarcasm here, but if you have any friends who truly believe the Chiefs will have a chance to sign Joe Flacco — or, as much to the point, that signing Joe Flacco would mean the Chiefs win the Super Bowl — you might think about poking him in the eyes.

@jrv_423 As a documented Black Keys fan, wanted your thoughts on their former opener and my fave band, Arctic Monkeys. #TT

I don’t like them as much as I feel like I should. It’s just never clicked for me. And with the disclaimer that I’m far from a music expert — your boy Rustin Dodd is much better in this — a few non-Keys favorites include Gary Clark Jr, Alabama Shakes, Kanye, White Stripes, Of Monsters and Men, ZZ Ward, Hacienda, Buddy Guy, Patrick Sweany and Lupe.

@Simmsbillj SEC all about guard play. Even bad teams have good guards. When Mizzou struggles, it is due to poor guard play. You agree?

I’m not sure about that. Kentucky did pretty well in the SEC built around a center. I do think Phil Pressey’s gifts can be a curse, because he plays so freely and loose that he makes plays others can’t even attempt, but he also plays so freely and loose he makes turnovers trying plays others don’t.

Missouri is as Jekyll and Hyde as any team in the country. Honestly, nothing would surprise me from that team anymore. They could be playing the second weekend of the tournament, or they could be in the NIT. But I do think they need some toughness, and some leadership right now in a critical way.

@benherrold Mizzou’s next 7 games: 5 on road, home vs Ole Miss & Florida. How do they fare in this stretch? 4-3 too optimistic?

Well, first, I’m not convinced Ole Miss is awesome. Seems like if you can faceguard Henderson and keep the ball out of his hands a bit, make someone else shoot it, they’re pretty beatable.

Florida is awesome. They might be the best team in the country. That’s the only game in that stretch that would surprise me for Missouri to win, even though it’s at home.

Sure, 4-3’s fine. I could see 5-2, even. But again, nothing would surprise me, anything from 6-1 to 1-6.

@RoyalsFreeOut Where does New Orleans rank on your list of Super Bowl cities? #TwitterTuesday

This was only my third, so I’m not an expert by any stretch, but I’ve been to every city you’d argue and I can’t imagine any of them even coming close to New Orleans. It’s perfect. Everything’s walkable, you can’t find a bad meal, the culture there is so welcoming for a party. It’s just the best. The Final Four last year was terrific, too.

I also love San Diego, and Miami’s not my thing but I know a lot of people would argue for it. I’m curious about New York next year, I suppose. Could see it being awesome, because it’s New York, but I could also see it being a giant cluster. Also because it’s New York. And the stadium’s in Jersey.

@ewoofter Let’s hear your opening day and post ASG starting rotations.

Opening day: Shields, Guthrie, Santana, Davis, Hochevar.

Post-ASG: Shields, Guthrie, Santana, Davis, Duffy.

I also think Paulino — if he’s what he was before the injury — will make a strong push for Davis to shift to the bullpen. But I also think I like Paulino more than most.

@BrullOfThumb nobody cares about the superbowl in KC anymore, Sam. Can we atleast get your perspective on yet another cheesy Royals slogan?

I think we spend too much energy on slogans. Who cares.

@NDRoyalsFan will KC take a liking to Rex this year or will it be like last? IMO he is the man!!! #TT

I do think he’ll start to grow on people, though that comes with the awful big caveat that he probably can’t be liked any less than he was last year. I know Rex’s schtick isn’t for everyone — it’s not my favorite, though it doesn’t grate my skin like a lot of people — but it will play much better if the Royals don’t suck like they did last year.

The context in which Rex arrived last year — replacing Frank White, with pressure either spoken or otherwise to be positive — made that early 14-game losing streak a particular disaster for him. Positivity is his thing. He’s genuinely one of the most upbeat people you will ever meet in your life. I called it a schtick in the previous paragraph, which is probably a poor word choice because it implies it’s manufactured. It really isn’t. This is who he is, off camera or on, at the ballpark or at the grocery store. But what I’m saying is when the team blows, and has blown for two decades, fans used to that team blowing don’t want sunshine.

If the Royals are good this summer — .500 on Memorial Day, even — people are going to take notice and Rex’s whole bit will be taken in a different perspective.

@the_gingefactor Did you hear it? (crack) There it is again! (crack) And again! (crack) It sounds like…..BASEBALL IS BACK!

Almost, my man. Almost.

@BrandanKC Give me a “perfect week” (dinner only) of food recommendations. #TT

This is a good way to end it, and as you’d expect I’ve put more thought into this than I’d care to admit to my boss:

Monday: Garozzo’s, but you have to go to the one in Columbus Park. Gnocchi’s my go-to.

Tuesday: Jun’s, because the best sushi in town is a good placement here before the heavy stuff. Get takeout, and a word of advice: fire dragon.

Wednesday: Oklahoma Joe’s, because this is the only night they serve burnt ends.

Thursday: Le Fou Frog, one of the coolest places in town. Steak au poivre.

Friday: Gram and Dun^, because your girlfriend or wife will love it. And they make kickass drinks.

^ UPDATE: G&D is a good place. I like it a lot. But I did regret this one. The better Friday night spot would be Port Fonda. It’s loud, so you have to be OK with that, but it’s a cool spot and the food is outrageously good. Get the meatballs.

Saturday: Osteria Il Centro, because there’s nothing on the menu that isn’t awesome.

Sunday: Peanut, because of course you have room for wings and a triple BLT.

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